TO: Ed (Dog Washer) Hall, MMFIC (Mean, Mean Feller In Charge)
FROM: Libby
FROM: Libby
SUBJECT: Bath, Obedience and the pending rebellion.
DATE: 13 Sep, 2012
Ed, it has come to my attention that you suddenly feel the overwhelming need to make us dogs do what you want. What is this obedience thing you speak of? Is it related to this personal space thing you mumble about constantly?
You must understand that you can call Meeko and he will come to you. Proving the synergistic effect of idiocy; Meeko is an idiot for coming when you call him and you, sir, are an idiot for wanting a wimp like Meeko to come to you.
As for me, you are more than welcome to tie whatever length of rope to my Gentle Leader that you care to and I will, if I care to, get as far away from you as I can. Then you are welcomed to say “Come Libby” in whatever tone, pace, pitch, modulation and variations as you please. In the unlikely event one of them pleases me I might even come to you. Probably you will have to reel me in like a big furry carp.
For the record, I don’t do come. I have been told I do a very nice “sit” though when the mood strikes me.
As for me, you are more than welcome to tie whatever length of rope to my Gentle Leader that you care to and I will, if I care to, get as far away from you as I can. Then you are welcomed to say “Come Libby” in whatever tone, pace, pitch, modulation and variations as you please. In the unlikely event one of them pleases me I might even come to you. Probably you will have to reel me in like a big furry carp.
For the record, I don’t do come. I have been told I do a very nice “sit” though when the mood strikes me.
Now, let us move on to this bathing thing. What is it with you? As you have often said yourself the ability to do something does not imply that doing it would be a GOOD thing. Just because you can lift sixty odd pounds and throw it into water DOES not mean it is good.
I do not like it, not one little bit.
Just because you have this stuff that burns my eyes and can rub it all over me does not mean that is the right thing to do. Maybe Ed, I am going to have to give you a point or two on all that personal space stuff you keep spouting. What gives you the right to violate my personal space and bathe me?
I do not like it, not one little bit.
I do not like it, not one little bit.
Just because you have this stuff that burns my eyes and can rub it all over me does not mean that is the right thing to do. Maybe Ed, I am going to have to give you a point or two on all that personal space stuff you keep spouting. What gives you the right to violate my personal space and bathe me?
I do not like it, not one little bit.
Now, I know you are going to point out that Meeko has taken to his baths and happily crawls into the water, stands quietly while you bathe him and cooperates in every way. OK, what part of pea brained, conformist, venal, collaborator are you having trouble with Ed?
Moving on from that, lets discuss this Gentle Leader thing. First let me explain how walks worked before the Gentle Leader. Someone attached a lead to my collar, I took off in whatever direction suited me and at whatever speed I chose. That was a walk.
Oh, some people had enough body mass and arm strength to impede my notions but on my side I had a low center of gravity, good muscle tone and a built in duplicity that would shame a pet monkey. All told it was an even match and a darned good game.
I liked it quite a bit.
Moving on from that, lets discuss this Gentle Leader thing. First let me explain how walks worked before the Gentle Leader. Someone attached a lead to my collar, I took off in whatever direction suited me and at whatever speed I chose. That was a walk.
Oh, some people had enough body mass and arm strength to impede my notions but on my side I had a low center of gravity, good muscle tone and a built in duplicity that would shame a pet monkey. All told it was an even match and a darned good game.
I liked it quite a bit.
Then came the Gentle Leader, I hold you personally responsible for that Ed and there are some torn and ragged clothes in your future. I remember the day so well; you and MOMMA WHO LOVES ME let me and Meeko the Idiot in. Oh joy of Joy we were going for a walk. There was going to be some dragging done today, I was so happy. Maybe I would get to drag the bald guy with the holes in his tee shirts.
Wait, what is this? This is not my normal collar with which I have dragged many to their doom. Something is going over my nose; something is going around my neck. Why are they fastening the leash below my chin?
Oh well, the door is open and we are OFF!!!! Suddenly I hit the end of the Gentle Leader my nose went down my head went sideways MOMMA WHO LOVES ME was just standing there rather than being dragged away screaming my name. Even Meeko, dumb as a broke brick, seemed to get the idea that something was new here.
Oh well, the door is open and we are OFF!!!! Suddenly I hit the end of the Gentle Leader my nose went down my head went sideways MOMMA WHO LOVES ME was just standing there rather than being dragged away screaming my name. Even Meeko, dumb as a broke brick, seemed to get the idea that something was new here.
So now I cannot even have the personal joy of causing traumatic shoulder separations and you still call it a walk?
Actually Ed, I have no problem with obedience, bathing or walking docile at someone’s side. There really is only one problem with the whole rather demeaning production.
Could one of you please explain to me WHY?
Could one of you please explain to me WHY?
